|Season 1, Episode 1|
|Air date||January 1, 2011|
|Written by||Dan Mandel, Chris Pearson|
|Directed by||Brian Sheesley|
"New Mexico" is the pilot episode of Dan Vs.
Dan wakes up exclaiming that today is going to be a good day; but as luck would have it, he subsequently hits his head several times on the lamp above his bed, slips on a breakfast burrito, stubs his toe, trips over an armadillo and falls down the stairs, and finally dscovering someone has broken his car window. Left behind were cactus needles, red dirt, and a postcard from New Mexico.
Dan soon calls Chris to find out information about New Mexico and how to "hurt it." When the internet fails to bring up Dan's desired information, Chris suggests going to the library. Of course, Dan starts a scene in the first library they go to and are promptly thrown out. At the second libaray they try, the librarian agrees to help but only if they help him get revenge on a man on a man who his dating his wife. As Chris and Dan argue over the ethics of revenge, the man gets hit by a bus. Happy, the librarian informs Dan the best way to hurt New Mexico is to sabbatoge their hot air balloon festival.
Dan has Chris take him to New Mexico, but Chris brings Elise along, much to Dan's chagrin. Elise reveals that she also has a grudge against New Mexico, but does not verbally reveal why. Elise has a flashback, revealing her hatred of New Mexico stems from a trip to the New Mexico State Fair when she was a young girl. A flock of road runners steals her cotton candy and a cactus pops her balloon.
They eventually stop at a gas station in Arizona. After getting hit in the head by something that was being carried by the wind, Dan adds Arizona to his revenge list. As they finally reach New Mexico, Elise tells Chris to drop her off at Roswell. The two continue on and after getting into a fight over Chris eating Dan's peanut brittle, Chris hits a road runner, which they start to eat until Dan gets mad that there is no ketchup.
They eventually stop and eat at a diner while Dan waits for a truck of liquid hydrogen. Dan and Chris wrestle the driver to win the right to use the nitrogen. When they get to the start site of the hot air balloon festival, Dan fills the balloons with nitrogen as he explains the balloonists' ritual to Chris. Meanwhile, Elise sneaks through Area 51 and steals a spaceship.
Dan explodes the hot air balloons, interrupting the balloonists' ritual sacrifice. The balloonists go outside to invesitgate and imediately surround Dan. Before anyone, besides Chris who gets knocked out, can get hurt, Elise arrives in the spaceship and rescues Dan and Chris. Before they head home, Elise attacks New Mexico with the spaceship's death ray until Dan accidentally crashes it.AND HEAD HOME.
- It is believed that in 1947, an alien spacecraft crashed near Roswell, New Mexico.
- New Mexico is known for a hot air balloon festival near Albuquerque, New Mexico. Virgin sacrifices are not part of the festival.
- In this episode we have learned that Elise was more than your average housewife.
- The Dewy Decimal System was mentioned when Dan and Chris were in the library.
- Dan and Chris are based off creators' Dan Mandel and Chris Pearson's negative qualities.
- When Chris accidentally runs over a roadrunner with his car, Dan thinks that he "killed a celebrity," and that he killed "The Roadrunner." Dan was most likely referring to the Roadrunner from the Looney Tunes cartoons.