|The Animal Shelter|
|Season 1, Episode 5|
|Air date||January 22, 2011|
|Written by||Dan Mandel, Chris Pearson|
|Directed by||Bill Kopp|
"The Animal Shelter" is the fifth episode of the 1st season and the fifth episode overall. It originally aired on January 22, 2011.
When an Animal Shelter keeps Dan up at night, he does whatever he can to get rid of it, but is delayed by other issues.
After the howling and barking of an animal shelter across the street keeps Dan from sleeping comfortably, he dials the shelter and is greeted by Crunchy, the employee working at the shelter. Dan orders Crunchy to shut the animals up, and Crunchy says he'll try his best. After hanging up, Dan tries to sleep again but the barking persists, enraging Dan. He dons a robe and slippers and walks to the shelter, confronting Crunchy. After being given complimentary earplugs, he returns home and tries to sleep a final time, but is once again unable to do so. Dan calls Chris, but is picked up by an answering machine. The next morning, Chris arrives at Dan's apartment, where Dan is baking a meatloaf. Dan complains about Chris leaving his phone off at night, and forces Chris to promise never to leave his phone off. Throughout their conversation Chris eats the meatloaf. Dan then explains that the animal shelter won't let him sleep, then tells Chris he plans to poison the animals. After Chris disagrees with killing abandoned animals, Dan then suggests killing the man at the counter, with which Chris states would be murder. Dan complains, saying he wasted his whole day making a poison meatloaf. Chris takes several more bites from the meatloaf, then pauses, realizing his mistake. Dan then takes Chris to the hospital.
Elise arrives at the hospital after Dan called her and they argue over why Chris got poisoned. Elise leaves the room to get some tea, and Dan uses the opportunity to sneak Chris out of the hospital. After dressing Chris and putting him in the trunk of his own car, Dan drives to Wally's Hardware Emporium and Explosives and purchases a large amount of dynamite on Chris's credit card. Dan then takes Chris to Burgerphile, where he purchases a milkshake for Chris and a meal for himself. While eating, Elise calls Chris's phone and Dan answers. Elise yells at Dan, demanding that he take Chris back to the hospital. Dan refuses and hangs up. By accident, Dan takes a sip of Chris's milkshake and immediately writhes in pain, due to his lactose intolerance. He hurries home to retrieve medicine, but discovers he ran out. As he goes to buy more, Elise arrives at his apartment, furious. She demands that he explain himself quickly. Dan says they got dynamite, then complained, saying not to jostle him. Elise procceeds to punch Dan in the stomach, causing him to fall to the floor in pain. Elise takes Chris away and Dan remains on his apartment floor, angered by the barking that continued but unable to move.
Several hours later, Dan lines the animal shelter with dynamite and sets a timer. Crunchy is unaware of what is going on because he was wearing headphones. As he begins to leave the shelter, a kitten catches his eye. After telling the cat to stop looking at him, he suddenly realizes that he loves the creature and decides to keep her. Dan named his cat "Mumbles", then changed her name to "Mr. Mumbles" shortly after. They begin to leave the shelter and Dan decides last minute to release the animals, saving them from the explosion. Dan and Mr. Mumbles watch the building explode, then return home. After sleeping for a few moments, gunshots startle both Dan and Mr. Mumbles, causing the cat to scratch up Dan's face. Dan becomes enraged over the new firing range built. The following day Dan goes to the hospital and meets a doctor that instructs Dan to remove his pants, worrying Dan.
- This episode is the first episode to feature Crunchy, Hortence and Mr. Mumbles.
- Chris' last name is revealed to be "Pearson" on his Driver's License. The same last name as the real life Chris.
- It's revealed that people without insurance get to see an actor dressed up as a doctor rather than a real doctor when visiting the hospital. (Dan goes to the hospital over cat scratches, and an actor in a doctor's outfit instructs him to take off his pants)
- Dan buys 3,700 dollars worth of dynamite plus a 30% tip for the Wolf-Man with Chris' credit card. A 30% tip on $3,700 would be $1,110. In other words, Dan spent $4,810 in this episode.
- Mr. Mumbles (debut)
- Crunchy (debut)
- The Ambulance Guys
- Wolf-Man (in human form)
- Hortense (debut)
- The first and only promo is a trailer for the episode released on the same week the episode was scheduled to premiere. Uploaded on January 19, 2011 on The Hub's YouTube Channel.