|The Salvation Armed Forces|
|Season 1, Episode 10|
|Air date||March 19, 2011|
|Written by||Tom Saunders|
|Directed by||Bill Kopp|
"The Salvation Armed Forces" is the tenth episode of the 1st season and the tenth episode overall.
It originally aired on March 19, 2011.
Dan's car gets accidentally donated to charity.
The episode begins with Dan watching a cooking channel on his TV, he makes him hungry, so he goes to his fridge to look for something to eat. His fridge contains nothing but some old vegetables, a jar, a bottle, stains, and some cookie dough.
Dan goes for the cookie dough, but finds he has nothing to make it with, so he attempts to use the toaster, which sets on fire and alerts the fire department. The firemen promptly beat the tar out of his toaster while Dan exclaims "Is that really necessary!?"
Dan drives off to go buy a new toaster while grumbling about it, but he pays no attention to where he parks his car, which is on a donation area for the Salvation Armed Forces. The Salvation Man thanks him for his donation, but Dan doesn't hear him and claims he doesn't have time for him.
Dan walks into the store and is almost immediately kicked out, Dan is yelling about how the store doesn't sell toasters, and walks over to his non-existent car. Dan is angry and is asking where his car is, The Salvation Man explains that it is safely on its way to Eagle Rock and he thanks him for the donation. Dan is angry and says he was only parking it there for 5 minutes, the Salvation Man says he parked it in the donation area and Dan replies that he did not want to donate it. All the Salvation Man can reply with is "Whoops."
Dan claims that he stole his car and questions him about his uniform, he asks "Are you part of some strangely dressed ring of car thieves?!"
Dan tries to tackle the man and he beats Dan with his bell and sends him strolling away in a basket, which crashes only a few feet away. This prompts Dan to start his revenge of the day and he cries out "Salvation Armed Forces!" The camera zooms out and "Dan Vs. The Salvation Armed Forces" pops up on the screen.
Dan tries to knock him out with a crowbar, but the Salvation Man threatens him with hand to hand combat.
Dan goes into the Thrift Store next to the donation area to attempt to get things sorted out, he explains to the woman at the desk that his car was stolen and he needs it back, the Woman says that's impossible because only 1 car was donated, and was not in driving condition, and that all donations are final.
Dan continues to argue because he "needys" his car back, and the woman tells him to calm down because he's disturbing the non-existent customers.
The Woman rings the alarm bell, and the Salvation Man comes in and beats Dan on the head with his bell, he kicks Dan out of the store, Dan decides that he needs backup and calls Chris, but Elise answers instead, Elise explains that Chris is at the store shopping for a swimsuit for their vacation tomorrow. Dan claims he didn't authorize a vacation for Chris, Elise tells Dan that they are going on vacation and she doesn't want Chris involved with another one of Dan's revenge schemes.
Dan goes on rambling about The Salvation Armed Forces, and Elise tells him that it's a Charity organization who helps people, Dan says "Don't tell me you've fallen for that ruse!" and goes on to talk about how a big wooden horse sure would look nice in here, lets bring it in and leave unguarded overnight. Once he's done rambling about the Trojan Horse, he discovers Elise has already hung up, so he dials her back claiming no one hangs up on him, he does. He calls her back only to hang up again.
Dan calls Chris, and tells him to come pick him up because his car was stolen, Chris picks him up and Dan explains his car was stolen by the Salvation Armed Forces, and that he needs Chris's help to get revenge and get his car back. Chris says he'd "love" to help, but he has to prepare for his vacation tomorrow.
Chris gets an idea and takes him across the street to Greatwill, Dan thinks its a plot to turn the charities against each other, but its actually to buy a chair.
They go inside and find a chair, Crunchy says it will be 50 dollars, and Chris is hesitant, Dan says money is no object for his revenge against the Salvation Armed Forces. Crunchy decides to help Dan in his scheme because he also hates them, so he lets Dan take the chair. They take the chair and drive off.
Back at Chris's house, he is stitching Dan up inside the chair, Elise questions this and Chris says its for Dan's revenge scheme, Elise tells him not to waste too much time so he can get ready for their Vacation.
Later, The Salvation Armed Forces comes by to pick up the chair, Chris offers to help with the chair, and puts it inside the Truck, he tells The Salvation Man to enjoy the Dan, but then quickly corrects himself saying that the chair is named Dan, it makes me want to get a red chair and name it Dan for some reason....
The Salvation Man drives off with the chair, during the trip, they pick up a bowling ball, and some scorpions, which hurts Dan when they come crashing into him during the trip. Later when the chair is brought over to the Salvation place, he exits the chair and gets the file to where his Car is being held. He comes over to Chris's house while they are sleeping and non-suspiciously taps on the window next to their bed.
Chris is understandably upset with Dan, and Dan explains he will need help getting his car, or he will be forces to "Borrow" Chris's on a regular basis, he swipes out an extra key and Dan and Chris fight over it, Dan finally pleads Chris to drive him over to where his car is, and Chris finally gives in, after some shenanigans, they finally arrive, Chris helps Dan over the fence and he finds his car, but he is cornered and the alarms sound.
Dogs are released and The Salvation Man comes out with his menacing bell, Dan runs for the fence but is electrocuted by the same fence, while Chris is chased by dogs.
Dan and Chris are arrested and early the next day, they are in a prison cell impatiently waiting for Elise to come, Dan bothers Chris and Chris tackles Dan, until Elise shows up to bail them out of jail.
Chris leaves Dan to go prepare for his vacation, Meanwhile, Dan goes to Greatwill to get help to get revenge, he recruits some workers over at Greatwill and gives them a pep talk as if he were running an army. He writes a message to Chris and moves on with his plan.
But it goes wrong when he is caught, but Chris comes to save the day, He would have been there sooner if Dan had called rather than sending a hand written letter though.
He helps Dan get back at the Salvation Army and he hastily returns home to go on Vacation, Elise suspects he helped Dan and had prepared in advance, giving him a pink women's bathing suit.
Dan meanwhile, gets his car back and Gets a new Toaster and runs successfully towards the screen.
- The Salvation Armed Forces are a parody The Salvation Army, an organization sought to bring salvation to the poor, destitute and hungry by meeting both their "physical and spiritual needs".
- When Dan is yelling "Salvation Armed Forces!" and the camera zooms out, for some reason, the Salvation Man is nowhere to be seen at his donation area despite being in the scene only seconds earlier
- Despite the fact that the Salvation Man had aced hand to hand combat training (Mentioned earlier in the episode when Dan threatened him with a crowbar) His specialty move seems to be beating people up with a bell.
- The woman in the thrift store said that the car Dan had "donated" was not in driveable condition, even though Dan is able to drive it with no problems.
- This episode had a running gag of Chris not buying his swimsuit for the next episode "The Beach"
- Dan references the Trojan Horse during his call to Elise.
- Apparently Chris has had his car stolen before (A year before the events of this episode), but Dan didn't help because it was Overcast.
- Chris mentions he does not want to rent a swimsuit again, implying that he has in the past.
- There is a rival charity organization across from The Salvation Armed Forces, called "Greatwill", it is obviously a parody of Goodwill.
- Crunchy worked at Greatwill.
- When Chris hands the chair to the Salvation Armed Forces, he has to quickly distract the sounds Dan makes from the chair, yet for some reason, during Dan's ride in the truck, he is yelling when the scorpions are biting him but no one seems to hear him. He also makes questionable sounds when the chair is later disinfected, still, no one hears him.
- At one point, Dan exclaims "I don't even know where salvatia is!"
- There's a deleted scene in this episode where Chris' butt when walking out of the police station is uncensored and while Dan is talking, there's a rogue Granny who steals a cop car in the background.