|Season 1, Episode 2|
|Air date||January 1, 2011|
|Written by||Dan Mandel and Chris Pearson|
|Directed by||Bill Kopp|
"This isn't the movies, this is REAL LIFE! Stop living in a fantasy world! The Wolf-Man scratched my car, and he must pay!"
It premiered on January 1, 2011, alongside "New Mexico".
In what is later revealed to be a dream sequence, Dan is sitting on his bed, complaining about how he hates everyone, when a supermodel knocks on his door. After telling Dan she would make him pancakes, the two nearly share a kiss before his alarm clock wakes him up, showing that he was about to really kiss his alarm clock. Dan soon leaves his apartment and discovers his car has three immense scratches running along the side of it, a ball of grey fur, and a trail of paw prints. Dan deduces that this could only be the work of the Wolf-man and vows revenge.
Dan calls Chris, who just stares at his phone while Dan rants about how no one can screen his calls. Chris finally answers and Dan informs him that the Wolf-man has wronged him and demands that Chris comes over to his apartment. When Chris arrives, Dan shows him the evidence and tells him to go home to wait for the next full moon after concluding that the Wolf-man was a jogger. The next full moon happens to be on Halloween night. Dan once again calls Chris, demanding he comes over to his apartment. In an attempt to prevent Chris from continuing to eat the Halloween candy, Elise encourages him to go help Dan. By the time Chris gets to Dan's apartment, Dan has already kidnapped and tied up a kid dressed as a Wolf-Man. The two argue before Chris unties the kid and lets him go. They are soon arrested after Dan chases a kid dressed as a yeti through town after he mistakes him for the real Wolf-Man.
Later, the two are released from jail and are given what was confiscated back to them, except for Dan's brass knuckles. Dan asks the police officer where they were and learns that they are illegal and have been confiscated. This outrages Dan, who then knocks over a trashcan, shreds some papers on a bulletin board, and drinks water from a water cooler, claiming he was "confiscating" it. After Dan proceeds to take the officer's clipboard, pen, and hat, he is tasered several times.
After leaving the jail, Dan hears a howl as Chris drives away and demands that they head north. The two are soon caught in a traffic jam and start to argue just as the Wolf-Man runs past them and flees. Dan proceeds to stomp on the gas pedal, forcing Chris into a wild chase after it. While the Wolf-Man waits for a stoplight, Chris hits it with his car. Chris backs his car up in a panic after the angered Wolf-Man climbs onto the car's hood, sending the Wolf-Man tumbling off and allowing him to escape. When Chris is physically unable to drive after it, Dan shoves him out of the car and takes over the wheel, leaving Chris stranded in the middle of the road. Unable to locate the Wolf-Man, Dan finally picks Chris up, who had already started to walk home. Dan tells Chris to get as much silver as he can find and come back to his apartment to prepare for the next full moon.
The next day, Chris returns to Dan's house with a single silver coin, which is revealed to be a family heirloom. Dan proceeds to smelt it into a silver arrowhead, much to Chris's distress. After Chris questions if Dan owns a bow, it transitions to reveal them digging up a bow in an archaeological dig site. The two are soon chased out of the site by a group of skeletons who were angered after Chris disturbed their burial site.
The next month, Dan and Chris go on a stakeout to find the Wolf-Man. Dan complains about the coffee and doughnuts they bought until they finally hear the Wolf-Man's howl. They find the Wolf-Man ordering tacos and chase after it. Dan shoots and hits the Wolf-man with the arrow, wounding it. They follow the trail of blood back to the Wolf-man's apartment, but leave when they hear it howl. The Wolf-man is then revealed to be a hairy, overweight man as he wonders what kind of person shoots someone in the butt with an arrow. Chris asks Dan if they are going to meet next month to finally kill the Wolf-man, but instead, Dan just locates the Wolf-man's car and keys it.
- This episode and "New Mexico" were both aired on New Year's Day as the series premiere.
- This episode is listed as the first episode on DVD and sites you can purchase episodes on, with "New Mexico" being listed as the second one.
- The episode might be considered the first supernatural themed in the series.
- Chris keeps a heart locket with a picture of Elise in it, which makes Dan jealous. He also keeps some bouillon cubes, which Dan finds ridiculous.
- Dan walking out of his apartment to find his car scratched was later re-used and re-dubbed for a 'Dan Vs. Pinkie Pie' promo. 
- Dan skips out on his court ordered evaluation to track down the wolf-man, but it's likely he would've skipped out on it anyway.
Revelations and Continuity Edit
- Ted is mentioned by Chris as one of Dan's other friends, his name was first seen on Dan's Revenge List in "New Mexico".
- The Wolf-Man continues to appear throughout the series after this episode, though we do not see him in his wolf-man form again.
- Halloween takes place during the events of this episode, making it the first Holiday to appear in the series, however the episode isn't centered around it.
- The episode would start around September and end around November/December.
- Chris points out that instead of a wolf-man, it could've been an animal that escaped Manfrangensen Animal Shelter across the street. The animal shelter later gets a more prominent role in "The Animal Shelter".
- After being arrested, Dan's "expletive-laced" letters to his Grandma are confiscated, implying Dan doesn't think highly of her.
- It's revealed that Dan owned brass knuckles which were given to him by his mother.
- Chris owned a silver coin that belonged to his great-great grandfather, but it was destroyed by Dan to make a weapon.
- It's revealed that Dan hates coffee, but he feels it's a requirement to drink it while on a stakeout.
- Chris runs over another cyclist in this episode, a tendency that was first mentioned in "New Mexico".
- After/while Dan is tased for taking the officer's hat, said hat is shown right back atop the officer's head, despite the fact that it should be on the floor.
- Grey DeLisle is misspelled as "Brey DeLisle" in the end credits.
- Wolf-Man (debut)
- The Officer (debut)
- Unnamed paramedics
- Don (non-speaking)
- Elise Sr. (non-speaking)
- Ted (mentioned)
- Dan's grandmother (mentioned)
- Dan's mother (mentioned)
- Chris' great-great Grandfather (mentioned)
- Dan's apartment
- Chris and Elise's house
- Manfrangensen Animal Shelter
- Burgerphile (mentioned)
- Dan's car
- Chris' car
- Chris' great-great grandfather's silver coin (debut)
"I can't believe how much I hate everything."– Dream Dan
"I don't care who the IRS sends, I am not paying taxes."– Dream Dan, when he is greeted by a supermodel by his door.
"If you kiss me, I'll make you pancakes."– The supermodel, offering Dan pancakes in his dream.
"No supermodel, no pancakes, Pfft! Reality! Why can't I wake up from this?"– Dan, criticizing reality.
"The worst, most devious subhuman of them all!"
"Close. The WOLF-man!"– Dan and Chris agree mailmen are the scum of the Earth.
"This isn't the wolf-man, Dan! You caught a trick-or-treater!– Chris, discovering Dan has kidnapped a child.
"Yeah, there's a lot of crazies out there. You could end up on a milk carton."– Dan, warning the trick-or-treater.
"This is much nicer than the last jail I was in."– Dan, after being arrested for chasing a trick-or-treater.
"What I do in the privacy of my own pockets is my business alone!"– Dan, after the officer informs him he is way past the legal limit of pocket lint.
"In your face, neolithic indigenous zombies!"
"Dan! Don't taunt the undead!"– Dan, taunting zombies after desecrating their resting place.
"What maniac shoots a guy in the butt with an arrow?! Bunch of filthy animals in this town."– Wolf-Man/Wally, after returning to his 'Wolf-Den'.
View the episode's transcript here!
View the episode's gallery here!
- The first promo is a clip officially released by The Hub's YouTube Channel, which was posted on December 29, 2010.
- The second promo is a Series Premiere trailer that just happened to include clips from the episode. Posted on The Hub's YouTube channel on December 30, 2010.